Heads in beds

Tells you about the hotels from the other side. The work, the money, and everything else that goes into a hotel. An easy read that you could easily finish in a night (if you start early) or a weekend.

The audiobook on Audible is read by the author which is nice as he also provides some extra commentary.

There are many things you can learn, or just some funny things in general just by these quotes in the book:

"One thing about hotels: once they open, they never close.
I don’t mean they never go out of business; certainly they do. But the fact that a hotel could fail to be profitable astounds me. Why? The average cost to turn over a room, keep it operational per day, is between thirty and forty dollars. If you’re paying less than thirty dollars a night at a hotel/motel, I’d wager the cost to flip that room runs close to five dollars."

"Unfortunately, once your vehicle rounds that corner into the cavern of the garage or takes a right at the light, any manner of terrible things may happen at the hand of a valet parker [....] So performing your own walk around and familiarizing yourself with any present flaws might pay off later [...] If you do see the actual valet getting into your vehicle, it wouldn’t hurt to drop a few dollars at the outset, so you are on his mind as he pulls it off."

"People like to be served, but invisibly."

"Most of the time the front desk will be able to solve the problem immediately or at least act as proxy and communicate your unrest to the appropriate department or manager. Want to make sure that the agent doesn’t nod, say “certainly,” and not do a damn thing? Get his or her name. Nothing tightens up an employee’s throat like being directly identified. You don’t have to threaten him or her either, just a nice, casual “Thanks for your help. I’ll stop by later to make sure everything has been taken care of. Tommy, right?” Whatever you asked me to do I am DOING it."

"Messiness looks like trash to housekeepers, so keep papers in a folder or tucked in a briefcase. A hotel room seems to feel like home, that’s the plan, but you are not at home. You are in flux. You are in a private/public space. Act accordingly and keep organized."

"People don’t expect crazy quality from front desk agents at 3:00 a.m. They just expect them not to be totally crazy."

"If one plans to arrive after 3:00 a.m. and expect a room (as was the case with my exhausted German traveler), there are several things to know. The only way to absolutely guarantee that you will have a fresh, clean room waiting for you after a red-eye is to book it for the night before. Period. What’s more, unless you want to be considered a no-show, you will also need to ensure that your reservation is pre-registered, or pre-reged, meaning checked in prior to your arrival. This is accomplished by you (or, you know, your assistant) calling in advance and informing us of the situation. The hotel will check you in the night before to a VC (or Vacant Clean, as opposed to VD, Vacant Dirty) room and add the term “pre-reged” after your name in the system."

"Am I suggesting you always take help and always tip? Yes. I suggest you do that. However, in reality, there are times when guests don’t want to be escorted by a gloved chatterbox. Maybe your life is falling apart, and you’ve no interest in telling a stranger “where you came in from.” The best way to get back the keys to your room (and your freedom) from “the gloved hand” is to say, “I can go up alone, but thanks anyways.” “No thank you, but I appreciate it.” “I think I would rather just go up alone, if that’s okay.” Of course it’s okay. Just be polite about it. I even once saw a guest tell a bellman, “No worries, but thank you,” and still give him two dollars, just for not helping."

"Now, the kind of person liable to slam the door in a bellman’s face while the poor guy is politely lingering about for a crummy two-dollar tip, that kind of person? He shouldn’t use his toothbrush that night (or ever again, really)."

"Ben would become my brother, drinking buddy, and the man who’d tell me, if I ever complained about the New York City winters, to shove a mitten up my vagina."

"Often, as was the case here, the worst rooms are given to very specific guests for very specific reasons. [...] Reservations made through Internet discount sites are almost always slated for our worst rooms. [...] But why do we then slate Expedia guests for our worst rooms? Well, honestly, those guests didn’t really choose our property based on quality; they chose based on value. We were at the top of a list sorted by price."

"Not good at being kind, polite, and expressing positivity? You don’t have to do that either. Just hand over a twenty at check-in and say, “Give me something nice.”"

"I work for cash, not nipple-slips."

"Veteran hotel guests know it’s faster for both of us if I get the card right up front and simply pull the last name off the CC instead of mishearing and misspelling our whole day away."

"A bill around a credit card meant he was after an upgrade.
Oh, God, does this work. Let’s talk about ways to get upgraded. People will do almost anything and say almost anything to get an upgrade. But words rarely work. In a hotel, money talks ""

"[...] on the way to a second bar, one where we could smoke. Yes, you can legally smoke inside, and it’s right there in midtown, but I will not mention where, because this bar belongs to me and not to you."

"Perry, the river: they all reminded me not to take anything for granted. It all washes away, and we are all washed away with it."

"Therefore, dear guests, if you ever extend, even if the front desk forgets to inform you (which we will), then, YES, you need new keys. (You’re welcome, my front desk people! I just told everyone all at once!)"

"Goddamn it. I should have seen it coming: he was fondling the money too much, too obvious. I got played. I told him if he needed anything at all to ask for Terrance (when you give a fake name, it’s important to avoid names of employees currently working at the property and that it be a name of someone from your past whom you hate) then walked off, "